Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Fear of Needles

As long as I can remember, I've been afraid of needles. I remember one time I needed to get a shot when I was younger and I ran around the office. I had to be pinned down by multiple nurses in order for them to give me the shot.

This fear has just gotten worse as I get older. I avoid the doctor when I probably should go in fear he might need to draw blood. I shake nervously when the dentist comes in to see if I have any cavities out of fear I might need some novocaine. Its gotten to the point where just regular check ups have me nervous I might need to receive a needle of some kind.

Yesterday I had to have a cavity filled. I was nervous all weekend, nervous all day. Just because of that tiny pinch that only lasts a couple of minutes. I sat in the chair with my hands griping the seat, eyes shut tightly. I must have looked so childish. Of course I felt stupid after because it was in the end no big deal.

On the way home I couldn't help but think that I should be over this by now. Isn't this a fear that lies solely in that of a child? Not in one of an adult, a 26 year old woman who is trying to get pregnant. And therefore needles are a must. I tell myself that since the novocaine shot wasn't as bad as I thought it would be that getting blood drawn won't be that bad either. But no matter how often I tell myself this, I know that when the day comes, I will still be shaking and nervous the day before or better yet, days before. What doesn't help is I've never had blood drawn before and the worst part really is the unknown.

Everyone tells me that I'll do it, for my child. That I'll get to the point where it doesn't bother me anymore. Just a routine pinch. No big deal. I hope they are right. I hope I don't spend 9 months petrified of every little appointment. Every little needle. I don't think I could take it and I know I don't want to put that pressure on my unborn child.

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