Friday, May 29, 2009

Wonderful, awesome DH bought me an iTouch for my birthday yesterday! And he was even nice enough to give it to me early since my birthday is not till next Wednesday. It is so shiny and new and I love it! Although we still need to get the following:

A case
A wireless router
A cable to hook it up in the car

Because...a couple of weeks ago we were at this Mexican place and the same wonderful, awesome DH left the car unlocked. And we suspect that while we were eating someone working at the restaurant went outside and stole both our brand new phones (and mine was purple! the shame), my iPod and the cable connector cord. Yeah. Not a fun day. So we have to use our old phones till our T-Mobile contract is up and then I begged DH to buy me an iTouch. Well, not really begged, more asked and he said yes! And that leads us all to today. With my pretty iTouch. Can you tell I'm just a little excited? It is the small things that amuse me, I swear.

Anyways, tonight we are supposed to go to a friend's birthday party. A friend who will be 25 I think? I probably should know this. And her mom is giving her a birthday party, with pizza. Uhm. This friend loves to be the center of attention though and there are about a million people going. Which means socializing and ugh...I'm so tired. I just want to go home, put on my pj's, play with my iTouch and maybe watch a movie or something. Instead I'll be dressed up (blah), eating free food (only good part), having to socialize (blah, blah) with people who will be getting drunk out of their minds. Which we will not be doing because A. Not interested and B. Who wants to spend hard earned cash on alcohol when we have it at home and there is so many other better things to buy with our money? And end rant. Sorry. I just really love my pj's...and my iTouch.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Dr. Seuss Nursery

Ok, I feel like I've only been talking negatively about this whole baby thing. So I have to add a side note today. The bedding that I absolutely adore and want when we put together a nursery:

Dr. Seuss!!! I absolutely love Dr. Seuss. My dad taught me to read on Green Eggs and Ham and this would be perfect. Even DH loves it. I know the colors are kind of boyish but I think it would work for a girl too!

I've been tempted to buy it now because I'm afraid it will be gone when we go to make a nursery. Hopefully it'll still be there!

Me and my crazy thoughts...

I don't even really know how to start this post because I'm having a hard time figuring this out in my head, let alone writing about it. But I'm going to give it a try because maybe it will help me make better sense of things.

It seems like I go from one end of the baby spectrum to the other. One minute I'm praying I don't get AF and the next I'm thinking that maybe this isn't such a good idea. Just last week I was hoping AF wouldn't show and I'd get a positive on a pregnancy stick. Now this week I'm having those thoughts again...will we have enough money, is it the right time, are we prepared, many thoughts.

Like last night I'm thinking about how I need to clean out the spare bedroom, so it can be a nursery when I'm pregnant, then I think how it needs new carpet, because a baby on that carpet? Ew. Then I think, well carpet cost money and we need to save money. Have we saved enough money? See. Snowball effect. I keep going on and on and on.

But then I look in the backseat of our car and wish there was a car seat there. Or I wonder what DH and my baby would look like and it gives me butterflies. And I see a baby in a store and wish that I had that.

I don't know if the good thoughts out way the bad ones. If the fact that I am so torn on the subject means that I'm just not ready. I'm driving DH nuts with this. He just wants me to make a decision because he claims he is happy either way. I have a feeling he is disappointed I'm back to having doubts again because last night when I brought it up, he waved his hand across his ear to pretend to block me out.

I can't help it that I feel this way. I've always been like this with big decisions. And this is a big decision, a major one, a life changing one. So I can't help but have doubts and worry, am I making the right decision?

We went to a work event last night. Our head of HR was there from Albany. He mentioned he had 5 kids. We were all talking about kids. There was only one person at the table besides us without kids and he is single. Anyways, they were joking that "see, you should wait to have kids". I don't remember what was said to have that statement made, I've heard it so many times before. And the head of HR points out that when that statement was made, my DH got this huge smile on his face. Later on he pointed out to DH that if I'm ready to have kids he should go for it. That the younger you have kids the better. His youngest is 8 and he pointed out that he'll be 64 when she is in high school. That its better to have them young so you aren't too old when they grow up. This was so nice to hear. Such a great change from, "well you are too young" and it kind of made me feel better about the whole thing. But not enough to worry about carpet...

I don't know. I'm back and forth. I was so looking forward to trying this month and being able to tell my dad on Father's Day that I was pregnant (if it happens). Part of me wonders if I should be waiting. But waiting for what? A magical moment that will never come? And I want this more then anything, I really do. I don't know, I just don't know...

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Episiotomies, Labor and Needles...Oh My!

So as mentioned in the previous post DH and I are not trying but not preventing. Last month was rather busy and we uhm, ur, didn't really have time to DTD. I know, I know, too much information! Anyways, this led to me getting a visit from my dear friend AF. Fun! (Sense my sarcasm)

Anyways, this month we plan to erm, DTD, more often which will hopefully end in a positive pregnancy test! Which would be great! Because I would probably know just in time for Father's Day! What a great present for my dad! See my happiness and joy!

Ok, alright, there is that sarcasm again. But yesterday I was scaring myself with stories of episiotomies which I might add, I can't even pronounce. And it scared me silly about Labor and Childbirth again. Does my doctor approve of this? Does he only do them in emergency situations? I do not want someone cutting me down there unless its an emergency. Will he be ok with this? Also, Labor pains, not really for me. And needles, so many needles. I fear the dentist because of Novocain needles. How am I going to stand having my blood drawn so frequently?

I talked to DH about all of this and I think I scared him too! So that didn't really help much. Although it was cute to see how protective he gets about me.

I still want to try, sorry, not prevent but I'm a little scared again. I know this all needs to happen before I can have a wittle precious baby of my very own but still, cutting, my neathers. Ugh.

Also, I need to start taking my prenatals. Note to Self: Stop Procrastinating Women!!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


I believe this blog will take a new direction now. Hubby and I are TTC, well, not really. We are just not preventing. We are leaving it in God's hands. We are trying not to stress about it. Which is exactly what I would do, if I actually came out and said we are TTC. So we are just not preventing.

Yet I still find myself checking ovulation dates and reading messages boards. Have you tried JM yet? Because man, that website is addicting. Lots of information to read and message boards to play on.

We actually TTC (not prevented, actually tried) last year around the beginning of summer for a few months. But then we found out we could get a house and things got crazy so we stopped. We decided we would try again at the end of this summer. Then I got thinking and planning and decided I wanted to try again now. But with those thoughts came the stress, the worry, the anxiety. So my husband said, why don't we just not prevent? And after one more spot of anxiety, that is what I decided we'd do.

Not to get all technical but AF reared her ugly head starting April 26 and we BD'd on May 3 and May 10 (I honestly don't know what is with us and Sundays, its very strange). Now I'm starting to wonder if we missed that glorious ovulating time this month and if I'm not really pregnant this month which I'm hoping for (surprisingly!). The disappointment of it not happening is surprising me as well and it makes me believe we made the right decision.

Figuring out when to BD and when I'm ovulating and such kind of defeats the purpose of not trying, you know? I mean not preventing is supposed to be just BD'ing when we feel like it and when it happens it happens. Trying is when you temp and chart and figure things out. And I just DO NOT want that stress.

Ugh I don't know, I'm all over the place. I just need to relax and see what happens. And hope that AF does not rear her ugly head again this month...