Monday, January 19, 2009

M-I-L from H-E-L-L

My MIL lives with us. I know what you are thinking. Are you crazy??? I like to think that I am. But in this case, it isn't my fault. You see, my husband is originally from Cuba. He came over here when he was a youngin' (about 10 years old) with his father. His mother stayed behind because the lottery they had won only allowed 2 of them to come over. So since then, my husband worked at trying to bring his mother here. Bad conditions in Cuba, a need to be with her son, blah blah blah. Anyways, enters me into this picture. When I met my hubby, John, he was close to finalizing the process. He was 19 at the time. Yes, 9+ years it took to get her here. Its a messy, complicated system. My parents' loaned us the money to bring her over. It costs $1,000+. So after all this waiting and all this money my husband finally got his mother over here a little over a year ago (so we were married only a few months). He was 22 at the time. So the 9+ years is more like 12.

She moved into our apartment because she obviously had nothing but a few belongings and some clothes. Now mind you, she had told John that her plan was to make it on her own here. Find a job and her own apartment. She knew that John had made a life for himself and that he just couldn't afford to have her stay with him forever. She was ok with that, she told him this many times. Well after a few months it was obvious that she didn't want to find a job. She had family in Florida and it was decided that she would go there a few months, get some experience and come back. Did she do that? Not really. She was off and on with jobs for months. Drove all the family and friends she had there away from her. And they sent her back. To us. In our brand new home. That we had just moved into. Two. measly. weeks. before.

And that brings us to current times. We set rules this time and had plans. We didn't want a repeat of what had happened before. What we didn't know was that it was going to be worse. You see, my MIL has it in her head that money grows on trees here. Like the sidewalks are paved in gold. (Which is what a lot of people think when they come to the US. But that is another topic that I won't dwell on today.) She thinks that her son needs to take care of her the rest of his life. That she can sit in her throne and watch tv while eating bon-bons all day and then have her son keep her entertained when he gets home at night. That weekends will be spend being the third wheel, or more like her DIL being the third wheel, going out to eat or to the movies. She wants to be head of our household and she wants me to take a seat in the back. And if you are thinking that this doesn't sound anything like what she "promised" back before my dear, dear hubby brought her couldn't be more right.

But my MIL is very tricky (or so she thinks!). She will tell you anything she knows you want to hear just to get her way. She lies and she manipulates. She schemes and she plans. Then she turns around with a "poor me act" and tells everyone how great she is. She is a piece of work alright and it took my husband 22 years to realize it. I feel bad for him. I know this could have been prevented if we had a crystal ball to warn us of impending doom. But since there is no such thing, we are stuck.

This weekend John and his mother had two fights. Two major fights. The first one was heard by the dog and it was so bad that she cowered. The second one happened last night. You see, John's mom and dad are still technically married. They are separated though which is why she graces us with her presence. Towards the beginning of her second stay with us, she found out that she could apply for social security. She is 63 and married to a citizen so she would take her portion and run, basically. So free money, just as her little heart has desired all along. We know, that since she prefers the finer things in life, the social security will not be enough for her to life on her own. She needs a job too. And we have been trying, oh how we have been trying, to get her to find one. But she had pulled every scheme, every lie she can to get out of it. And we have read through everyone.

Well on Friday she got a letter stating that she was denied social security. Apparently she didn't turn in the right papers or something. She called the lady who has been helping her with this and she told her she needs a lawyer. Apparently there is some magical free lawyer that helps with such things. She of course wants my husband to find this magic lawyer. Which he doesn't know any more about then her and why can't she do it? (*cough*lazy*cough*). Anyways, this is where the first fight started. John argued that why is she fighting for this more then getting a job? Of course this made her angry and they stopped talking. The thing is, she wants this social security check so she has extra money and then she can leach off us still. So basically, she wants her cake and to eat it too. Which little does she know that this isn't going to happen. That if she is still living with us when she gets the social security we are going to take the check. She will get a portion for things she needs (bus fair, hair dye, shampoo, etc.) and the rest will be what she owes us for living with us. Rent free, free cable, free meals, free phone, etc. Which she is ungrateful for and does not even speak a word to me, let alone thank me for dinner every once in a while.

Then last night we got home from my parents' to hear her talking loudly to John's dad about 1. how she has no money and 2. trashing me. I was really mad. I told John to take her phone away. How dare she talk trash about me to John's dad (who already doesn't like me) on the phone we are paying for in our house? So this led to another fight and John telling her he was sending her back to Cuba.

After John got a breather, he went back to talk to her again. She of course pulled out all the stops but John didn't want to hear it. He made her listen to his side of the story. He basically told her he wasn't going to take anymore crap. That if he didn't see her trying to get a job then he would send her back. Which she doesn't want. And was not happy to here.

So I don't know what is going to happen. Its all very stressful and I just want my house back. I don't want her living with us anymore. I want her to do what she promised, to find a job and her own place. I want to be newlyweds again. And I don't want to be stuck in my bedroom every night just to have privacy.

Wow, that was quite the long rant for a first entry! I apologize, but it had to be done. I do feel better now. Time for lunch!

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